Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Randomize
