He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
