She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
