She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
