so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
