I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
