Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I looked at my own cervix.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
