All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
