Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
a search helicopter?!
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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