well I can't set my house on fire every night
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
