Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
