I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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