My entire life is one complicated drinking game
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
