Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
