when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
