Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
What a dumb baby whore.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
