no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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