This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You made out with two different species that night
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Randomize
