My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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