I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
