Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
