I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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