I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
