if i can run in heels then i can drive
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
