East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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