3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
