If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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