Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
nutella sex= disaster
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
