You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
