you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
His nipple licking is glorious
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