Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
