nutella sex= disaster
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
