He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
im having a threesome with these popsicles
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
