She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
