She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
