I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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