I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
