I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Randomize
