did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
