Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
