Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
my phone needs a breathalizer
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Send help, water and tortillas.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
