So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
