If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
