Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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