I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
