i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
