well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
