So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
