they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
