..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
