last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
