Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
